Adult and child communication

 I observed an adult child conversation outside on a p;ayground. The child had hit another and the paretn was very upset with the child.  The mother made the child apoloze to the other, but then the mother continued to talk to her child in a rather uncalming voice. As I continued to observe, I notice that the child was trying to tell his mother something. Finally she hushed and asked the child what was it. The child answer "I hit him because he hot me first."  The mother had this look of   surprise.
 I think that the parent felt embarassed that her child hit. I think that for the communication between an  adult to be more reaffirming, the adult must first find out why the behavior happened, before talking harshly and discussing punishment. Children are smaller versions of adults, they can tell you why they did something, however, it is up to  the adult to say why the reason was  a good or bad one.  i think in our society today with all the stress, adults automatically start with the punishment talk due to emotionsthey are felling at that moment. However, after out emotions have calmed, that is when we finally decide to find out why did you do that.
 I believe that as adults when we talk harsh and punish our children before we find out all the details, that we are telling our children that we do not trust their problem solving skills. Do not get me wrong I do not support hitting at all, But I do think that when children do not take up from themself, this leads to being bullied..
 As I watched this communication, I began to think about how I talk to my own children. I must confess that I tend to talk harsh and discuss punishment before i ask why did you do that. What I have learned from this conversation is that I need to make my conversation with my children and students  meaningful. There needs to be purpose within the communication. But more important, the communicatiion between an adult and a child needs  does not need to be one sided.